FINAL EXAM

I have just come back from writing my final exam for MECH 550A. I have had more pleasant ways to spend 2.5 hours.

The first sign of trouble appeared even before the start of the exam. My prof handed out the exams and each of us got a little white tube of something. It was a tube of K-Y Jelly.

“You’ll be needing that during the exam so your ass doesn’t get too sore.”

Ok, so maybe he didn’t hand out the K-Y, but he sure as hell probably should have. The damn thing was hard. He said that there should be one mark per minute, so if a question had five marks, you should spending five minutes on it. The first question was worth four marks. I finished it in twelve. Little did I know that would be the only highlight of the exam.

It was all downhill after that. I knew about half way through I wasn’t going to finish. Then a girl in my class asked if we could extend the exam till 3pm, making it a three hour exam. I was thinking, “No way, let’s just end this anal reaming early, cut our losses and go home.”

Thankfully, my prof said no and we continued on. With about ten minutes left, he asked if any one would object to extending the exam another 15 minutes. I almost did, but I didn’t want to be the single wanker that screws it up for everyone else. I must have looked a bit annoyed because my prof asked me if I objected.

“Well no, but I don’t think another fifteen minutes is gonna matter whole lot at this point. I’ll probably use the extra fifteen minutes to think about what products I’d like to purchase in the future.”

That got a laugh, but I was actually serious. Anyways, that fifteen minutes flew by and I managed to get a pretty decent multi-panel handrawn Archie comic on the back of one exam paper. I had Jughead running to the mall to enter a burger eating contest. That crazy Jughead.

When it was all over, it was clear everyone had the same amount of trouble. The question will be, who sucked on this exam the least? I can tell you, it was not me.

If that wasn’t enough, I have a ten page report due tomorrow in this class as well. I have five pages written already, but I don’t feel like doing a great job on the last five after this exam.

It’s 3:30pm and I’ve decided I’m not touching that paper until after dinner. Here’s to three plus hours of relaxation.

WOW BUSY

I wish I could say I’m too busy getting Rebecca Romijn‘s phone number, but I’d be lying. No, instead, I’m busy writing five pages of the worst report I’ve ever written and also studying for my final exam on Wednesday.

In the meantime, look at a picture of a baby zebra born without stripes.

STUPID CLASS

Between you and me, if you’re getting your students to study for a final exam, complete a report, and finish an assignment, while in the month of April, you’ve given them too much work to do.

BAH HOCKEY

This is why hockey and studying don’t mix. I’m guaranteed to lose three hours a day every other day until who knows when. Yeah, it’s alright when your teams wins, because it does seem like it’s worth. Even though in reality, you still lose three hours of studying time. When your teams loses though? Oh boy, that’s a metaphorical double punch to the testicles.

So tonight, both my beloved ‘Nucks and myself lost. It’s also bad that I don’t feel like studying right away. I’m not sure, it might have been better if they had been blown out. That way I might have stopped watching earlier.

Well, in a way, exam time are the playoffs for the students, so I better step it up. Ok, let’s get to it.

A LITTLE BIT DRUNK RIGHT NOW

For more reasons that I can get into, I feel like one of the luckiest people on Earth right now.

WELL I GOTTA DO WHAT I GOTTA DO

You’ve probably read this already, but a report on prostate cancer was just released. No pun intended.

I’ll give you some highlights of the report here:

“higher elevations of ejaculation appear to protect men from developing prostate cancer”



The study suggested that frequent ejaculations may decrease the concentration of “chemical carcinogens which readily accumulate in prostatic fluid” and may reduce the development of crystalloids “which have been associated with prostate cancer in some.”



The earlier Australian study published in July 2003 by the Cancer Council Victoria found that the more often men ejaculated between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they were to suffer from prostate cancer.

I’ve always preached that you can’t argue against hard scientific facts. I’m also a big fan of preventative care. As men, we should be doing all we can to take care of our prostate.

So from now on, if anyone asks, just tell them you’re trying to protect yourself from prostate cancer.

NAME THAT MOVIE

UPDATE: My horrible commenting system has screwed up. Only I can see the latest comments. For all of you dying to find out the name of the movie, it’s Wayne’s World 2. Props to Bryan for getting it right first.

“Take me (character name deleted)!”

“Where? I’m low on gas and you need a jacket.”

PROM IN TIMES SQUARE

Since there’s no actual photographic evidence I ever went to my graduation/prom/ball, I’ll just have everyone believe I didn’t go. If you thought you saw me there, you’re completely wrong and must have mistaken someone else for me. We’ll just leave it at that.

Funnyman Mark Malkoff also didn’t get to go to his graduation/prom/ball, but he tried to make up for it one night in Times Square. A video documents his attempt. Make special note of the guy who said he didn’t go to his prom because he was “doing five to ten at the time”.

HEALTHY

So yeah, where were we? I indeed did get a good night of sleep on Thursday evening. It only took the codeine half an hour before I started feeling its effects. I started feeling kinda woozy and I knew it was time to crawl into bed.

I gather I must have feel asleep around 3am. I remember waking up once during night to empty my bladder. During that time, I was still quite woozy and was lucky to navigate my messy floor without trouble.

The next thing I knew the sun was out and it was 12:30pm. It was the most sleep I had since before I got ill. At first, I felt relatively awake, but as I sat at my computer, I noticed something was different.

I began reading my mail and even though the letters and word were crystal clear, there was some weirdness going on. It was as if I was watching my life through a television set somewhere else. There a level of detachment going on. I remember watching my fingers type on the keyboard and thinking, “Hmmm… those are my fingers… wow, look at them go… are those really my fingers? Yep, they sure are…”

I had a sandwich for lunch and for several seconds, I just rotated the sandwich in my hands just to see if it was really there.

This weirdness continued for several more hours, where I wasn’t really in a state do anything productive. I think I may have written one line of code, but that was basically it.

On the plus side, I felt much better by the evening and my sinuses had cleared by that time. The only thing remaining was a nagging cough that seemed to remain only to bug the hell out of me. I was quite productive on Friday night, writing some critical lines of code for an assignment.

Before going to bed on Friday, I decided to halve my codeine dosage. It worked since I was less groggy on Saturday morning. I even managed to go out for lunch off-campus. After playing some hockey in the afternoon, I had a quiet evening working and watching TV.

Last night, I went off the codeine and still managed to get a decent night of sleep. I declared myself healthy today. I cough the odd time once in a while but I think it’s just a lingering cough reflex. It is my opinion that I no longer have the cold cooties anymore.

This cold lasted a lot longer than any cold I’ve had in recent memory. I missed out on a few things because of it. That part sucked. This reminds me of a piece of advice that someone gave me. It had nothing to do with colds, but I like it.

“Erwin, there are things in life that you are powerless to stop, no matter what you do or how much you don’t want them to happen. What you can control, however, is the manner in which you deal with those things.”

I should have went to the doctor sooner and got more sleep. I probably would have shaved a few days off my recovery. A lesson learned for next time.

Game on…

MESSED UP

I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in over two days. I think I maybe kinda messed up right now. I say I think because I’m not even sure if I’m feeling exactly how messed up I am.

This cough of mine won’t seem to go away. Today, I filled a prescription for some codeine-filled cough medicine. It will knock me out and suppress my cough. I am hoping it will allow me to sleep properly. I need to sleep.

Hey, do you know that codeine makes you constipated? Yep. They recommend you hit the fibre hard if you’re going to be on codeine for a while. It’s also habit-forming. Yep, another good thing.

In about half an hour, I’m going to take the recommended dosage and wait for it to hit me. Let’s hope I can finally get a decent night of sleep.