HUMAN CIVILIZATION PEAKS WITH CUTENESS

I’m of the opinion that we, as a civilization, may have reached our peak. Why do I think this? Well, it’s because man has discovered the magical combination of a cloned kitten in a beaker. Look at that picture. It’s priceless. It’s cute.

I usually am not moved to cuteness by pictures. When I was at UBC, almost every girl I knew had pictures of babies in their dorm rooms. I was not moved. Nothing. Nada.

This miracle of science in Pyrex ™, however, is different. It’s a damn cloned kitten in a beaker! How inventive is that? They should make t-shirts and greeting cards with pictures of kittens in beakers. Hallmark would make a killing. If someone was smart, they’d make posters of kittens in beakers and sell them at universities. There’d be one in every girl’s dorm room. I bet some guys would secretly buy one too. Hell, I would.

Kitten in a beaker!

BREAKFAST SAUSAGE

I came home from an evening out. I noticed that my mom had cooked up some breakfast sausage, and left it in the fridge. This way, you only have to heat it up in the mornings and not have to waste time cooking it.

I had two links of the sausage right away. Breakfast sausage is tasty. However, I’ve discovered you can only eat two or three links at one time before you feel like throwing up. I think it’s the high fat content. Still, it’s yummy!

That is all.

BRUSH WITH GREATNESS!

This evening, I had dinner with my friend Trevor. We decided to stay close to his apartment, so we were looking for a place in Yaletown to eat. We were passing by Section (3) and their outdoor patio. As I passed, I saw former VPD spokeswoman Anne Drennan. Thinking this minor Vancouver celebrity would be the best I would see tonight, my eyes shifted to the end of the patio. There, to my surprise, sitting with a female companion was Academy Award winning actress Anna Paquin! I was stunned at first, but I kept on walking. Ms. Paquin is in Vancouver filming X2, the sequel to the movie X-Men. As I took one final glimpse of her, I saw that she was fully immersed in her role of Rogue. She was sporting a very noticeable mane of white down the middle of her hair. Even from a half a block away you could see it.

Trevor and I eventually found a restaurant half a block away. As we sat down, I discussed whether I should have asked her for an autograph. Ultimately, I decided it would be uncool and that a much better solution would be to go back outside and gawk at her in an awkward and uncomfortable manner. Sadly, that did not happen.

It doesn’t take much to get me starstruck. That made my day!

PICS FROM DAVE’S WEDDING

You can see pictures from the happy event by clicking here. If you’re craving for more pics from Dave’s wedding, click here. That link will take you to King-Wei’s photos. Now with thumbnails!.

I BET EITHER THE US GOVT. OR ALIENS ARE BEHIND THIS

After reading this story, I believe there’s probably a good chance the townsfolk will start disappearing.

I’M A DORK

So, I go and watch Austin Powers 3 : Goldmember today. Quick review: the others were funnier.

Anyways, the movie ends and I’m walking down the steps of the auditorium. The theatre is sparsely packed, there’s perhaps maybe 10 people left. I get down to the last step and for some reason, my ankle rolls. My world tumbles down all around me. I’m stunned. I realize I’m on my back. For a split second, I think if I spring back up no one will notice. The thought passes quickly as I come to the grips with the fact I’ve taken a huge spill at the bottom of the steps. I put my head down on the floor, preparing for the embarassment that will surely come.

Some guy steps into the aisle. Mercifully, he says nothing to me. I decide to get up before he reaches me. I pop up and make a bee-line to the auditorium door. I don’t look behind me. As I’m walking, my right ankle begins to feel warm. I try to walk normally, but I have a slight limp. I’m trying to desperately to make it to my car as fast as I can. I figure the metal will shield me from my embarassment. Luckily, I parked underground where they are no other cars at the time. I get in my car and then I realize something surprising. I’m still holding my soft drink cup. It didn’t spill when I took my spill.

I drive away from the theatre in a quick fashion. I get home and my ankle still feels warm. Now it feels a bit sore. At this point, I feel like it’s going to be ok.

After dinner, I take a nap. When I get up, my ankle is kinda stiff now, though not swollen. I was going to go on a hike this week, but that maybe in jeopardy now.

UPDATE: Upon closer inspection, there is some minor swelling and it seems more tender than it was before. I could ice the thing, but that would be the logical thing to do.

Can we all learn anything from this? Yes, I think we can. Don’t fall down at the theatre in front of people.

DAVE SHU’S STAG #2

I just got back from Dave Shu’s stag number 2. I know it’s a bit early, but my ride had to go home early. The rest of the group are probably still having fun as I type this. I wanted to record this before I forgot all the events of the day.

About ten of us arrived at Granville Island to wait for Dave. Abby, Dave’s fiancee, was going to get Dave down to the Island, and we were going to surprise him. The plan was to rent two speedboats and then go to Indian Arm and have a BBQ.

It turned out Dave was about 45 min. late. When he saw all of us, he had the most confused look on his face. Ten minutes later, we were all on the boats, heading out into open water. Of the two boats, I got to ride in the good one. It went faster and used less gas. Several of us, including myself, got to wear nautical themed hats. I’m sure there is photographical evidence of this somewhere.

It was a beautiful day to be on the water. It was so fun to catch the waves and zip along the water. We wound up at a small island in Indian Arm. We took out the BBQ and had a tasty lunch.

After lunch we got back on the boats and zipped around some more. Coincidentally, we stopped over at Deep Cove, and managed to see Janice, Jason Grant’s wife, as she finished her boating lesson.

Coming back, we hit some huge waves, sending our boats high in the air. Dave lost two beers he was holding in his hands into ocean from all the movement.

After returning the boats at Granville Island, we went to Bridges for dinner. After dinner was finished, we made Dave get into a white slip, essentially a negligee. As he walked back to our table from the washroom, we hootered and hollered, and everyone in the restaurant was looking at him. We all had felt markers to let people write messages on Dave’s slip. We also decided to refer to Dave as “The Captain” from now on.

We tried to get into Sandbar because it’s a great cougar bar (this was for Curt Wong‘s benefit). Unfortunately, the woman at the door was a poo-poo head. She gave this excuse that the lounge was full already for the evening. This was at 9pm. Yeah right. I think she saw Dave’s negligee and decided we were going to be too fun for the bar.

Next, we tried to go to the Cecil. It was an interesting walk from the water to the bar. Anyways, the Cecil was packed with Indy race fans. So it was no go there.

Someone suggested we go to the Penthouse next, but I had my reservations. Everything I heard about that place was not good. When we got there, though, I was pleasantly surprised. Apparently, it had been newly renovated, and it was actually decent. After a couple stage shows, everyone chipped in to get Dave a private show. Curt was very active in recruiting this one particular dancer who had impressive attributes. Dave went away for his little show and returned several minutes later. Remember, all he had on underneath his slip was his ginch. The potential for a visible tent was extremely high. As he sat back down, Dave said, “The Captain salutes you!“. Ha ha ha. The dancer then came over and signed Dave’s slip.

We left after that and wandered along Granville for a while. It was then my ride had to leave, so we left Dave in his slip, and the rest of the group wandering the streets of downtown.

It was long, but I had a great day. It was tons ‘o fun. Here are a few highlights:

Highlight #1

After Dave put on the negligee and returned to the table, this little kid at the table next to us was enthralled. He got out his digital camera and took a few pictures.

Highlight #2

After the little kid was done taking pictures, this American tourist came up to Dave and slipped an American dollar bill down the front of his negligee. It was then Dr. Shu realized he might make some money tonight.

Highlight #3

Dave frequently takes the water ferry across False Creek. We needed to take it to get downtown. Beforehand, Dave mentioned he was almost sure someone from the ferry service that he sees regularly would see him in his get-up. Sure enough, a cute ferry operator pulled up and she recognized him.

Highlight #4

At the Penthouse, a massage girl came up to Curtis and asked, “Do you want me to give you a massage?”. Curt replied, “No, but can I give you one?”. Curt, you’re one funny sumbitch. 🙂

Highlight #5

As Dave’s private dancer was trying to sign Dave’s slip with a felt marker, he said, “I guess it’s not hard enough for you”. Ha ha ha. I bet she doesn’t hear that often.

Highlight #6

As we meandered along Granville, we got to the Roxy line-up. We got to a group of three girls celebrating their birthday. They too had t-shirts that people were writing their comments on. Curt saw this and was all over it. He basically grabbed each girl’s boob and made Dave sign it. Curt was using Dave essentially to cop a free feel. This man has no shame!

NO-NAME POPCORN

Tonight I was at a RC Superstore and I bought a 290g bag of lightly buttered “flavour” popcorn. The bag is huge. It’s not as good as $6 movie popcorn, but it’s serving my purpose. I have bits of popcorn all stuck in my teeth now. I have a sneaky suspicion popcorn can keep me regular.

I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the hotel bill