Most of you are probably aware of the Dear Abby help column, where “Abby” dispenses advice to millions of readers. Though, I’m more of a Dan Savage reader, I found one of Abby’s more recent letters to be quite interesting. Let me violate several copyright laws and reprint the letter here:
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a serious relationship for 13 months. The woman I am with has a daughter who is 15 months old. I am the only father figure that has ever been in her life. Her biological father, “Ethan,” saw her only twice. I have been supporting my lady and her child for a while.
Last January, Ethan died, and my lady took it hard. Last Saturday, she got his name tattooed on her back without consulting me. She didn’t tell me until after it was done, and it upset me. We are supposed to be married soon.
Every time we make love, that tattoo reminds me of Ethan. I feel she should have asked me what I thought about the idea first. She expects me to consult her about things that I do before I do them. Am I wrong for expecting the same respect from her as I give her? Should I tell her how I feel, or should I avoid having a confrontation with her and try to forget about it? — ANGRY AND CONFUSED IN PHOENIX
DEAR ANGRY: Your feelings are valid. You were not consulted because your lady friend already knew what your feelings would be. Avoiding a discussion (notice I did not say “confrontation”) with her about this is not the way to go. This matter needs to be talked about to your satisfaction, and if the tattoo dampens your ardor, it should be removed before the wedding.
As you can see, this is a sensitive issue dealing with a deceased person and intense feelings. Clearly, Abby is a better advice-giver than I. Personally, I would have just told the guy just to eliminate one… wait two, now that I think of it, sexual positions from their bag of tricks. No, hold on… I think we have a third position they’d have to stop doing too. See, this is why I don’t have an advice column.