DIARRHEA PROPHECY

Yesterday while at work I wandered over to a co-worker’s desk to say hi since he’s also a friend. At his desk was a big bowl of cashews. He told me had roasted them himself with a bit of sugar, salt, and rosemary. He offered me some. My first reaction was to say, “no thanks, the last time I ate some of these I got diarrhea.” Now I’m not sure why I said that exactly but my friend has made roasted nuts before and I think I have this vague memory of getting the runs after eating them. I’m not certain of that, so it might have been a false memory. Since I wasn’t sure and I love free food, I told my friend I changed my mind and I’d sample some of his nuts. I grabbed a cluster of two whole cashews, not exactly a large amount, and ate them. They weren’t bad but perhaps could have used some more salt and sugar. The rosemary was coming through strong though.

I thanked my buddy for the treat and left. A few hours later, when I was on the Skytrain, I felt a familiar rumble in my digestive system that signaled some concern. That rumble is never a good sign and is a precursor to some bad outcomes. The only question to be asked was, how soon is this going to progress to a point where it becomes a gastrointestinal crisis? I know my body quite well and it could be a matter of minutes or even more than an hour. Luckily, I was very tired so I fell asleep on the train. That might have put my body in a sort of stasis. I slept peacefully for about twenty minutes when it was time for me to exit the train. Before I could get home, I felt one minor contraction and then one major one. The major one was a signal that something imminent was going to happen and that I should not delay in getting home. It would be unwise to detour to buy any groceries or something like that. Curiously, once the major contraction ended, I felt fine. While I might felt fine, I knew that any second things could get ugly. Underneath the surface, things had been brewing and bubbling for hours.

I returned home with a sigh of relief. With no actual urge to release my bowels, I went about my business at home. About an hour later, that’s when the rumbling returned and got intense, to the point of no return. In the bathroom I had an enthusiastic bowel movement. I thought that might be the end of it but alas, it was not. Two hours later, the urge returned, whereupon I had to again take care of business. Then in the morning, before heading to work, I had one more episode.

Luckily, whatever it was seemed to work itself out of me. I was fine all day at the studio, even after drinking a large amount of coffee. Now in hindsight, did my friend’s roasted nuts cause me to have diarrhea? It’s not conclusive as it wasn’t the only thing I had consumed that day. It is somewhat ironic, however, that I stated I wouldn’t eat something because it gave me diarrhea last time, changed my mind, ate said thing, and then wound up actually getting diarrhea. You’re better off not tempting fate.

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