REPEATED MEDICAL HILARIOUSNESS

So when I was a much younger man-child, about the age of nineteen, I was going to university, trying to complete an undergraduate degree. I lived in the university dorms and during my second year, I met a whole bunch of new people who were moving in. One of them, I’ll call “Rajneesh” or “Raj” going forward. Raj has always been a super friendly guy and an all-around amazing human being. I was lucky to befriend Raj and we’ve known each other many, many years now.

Raj became a doctor and is a specialist in a certain medical field. In fact, Raj was the subject of this post which I was had much joy in writing. Out of the many conversations I’ve had with him, that was one of my favourites.

Anyways, Raj wound up marrying another doctor whom I’ll refer to as “Conchita”. So here’s the interesting thing. Conchita works at the same doctor’s office as my own family doctor. Now, I don’t go to the doctor that frequently but almost every time I go, it seems like I see Conchita either at the front desk or in the hall next to the exam rooms. That makes sense because she works there, so the odds are good she’ll be around when I visit my own doctor.

One time she saw me go into an exam room and then my doctor walked in. She thought she heard my doctor ask my about my syphilis or something. The walls are pretty thin at this office unfortunately and I can sometimes hear other doctor’s speaking to their patients between the walls. It turns out my doctor was actually speaking to another patient in the room next to me. I wasn’t there for anything syphilis related at all. Conchita told me this story at a party that she and Raj were hosting at their lovely home. I suppose it was funny at the time but for a few minutes there she honestly thought I was getting an STD treated.

Just today, I was visiting my doctor for a follow-up visit. As many of you know, I was under doctor’s orders to lose weight in mid-April. This was partially spurred on because I was actually having trouble breathing after eating large meals which concerned me. Well, I wanted to follow-up because I’ve lost almost 20 pounds and the breathing problems have gone away.

So this afternoon, I’m being shown to the exam room by one of the assistants in the office. I walk into the room and as she’s about to close the door, she asks why am I visiting today. As I’m answering with “follow-up with my weight loss”, she takes a step back and behind her I see Conchita right across the really small hallway in this tiny office looking at me. At this moment, I paused because I really wanted to add “and to check up on this massive red rash on my penis”. I didn’t however and instead, I just waved at Conchita, who looked like she was doing some paperwork in a room that looked like it measured three feet by three feet. The door was closed before I could say anything else. I just sat there thinking Dr. Conchita was sitting just ten feet away from me behind a flimsy door. What if I was actually here for an embarrassing problem? What if my peener wasn’t working properly? What if I needed Depends? Would have Dr. Conchita heard that? There would have been a definite chance.

Now there’s no doubt in my mind that Dr. Conchita is a consummate medical professional but it’s a bit odd knowing that every time I see my doctor, there’s a chance she might overhear my medical problem in a hilarious fashion. It’s not that she’s purposely listening to this, it’s just coincidence and circumstance.

When I was done with the visit, Conchita wasn’t in the office anymore which was a shame because I really wanted to say a proper hello. I hadn’t see her and Raj since late July when we were all at dim sum. Well, I’m just waiting for that one time when I actually do come in with a deflated wiener and she’ll know about it.

Ok, so one last thing. Don’t let yourself get fat like I did. I think if you saw me, you wouldn’t have classified me as obese or overweight but I certainly wasn’t slim either. I was skeptical that my breathing problems were caused just because I was a few pounds heavy but my doctor was right. I’m no longer a young man so this stuff makes a lot of difference now. Fifteen extra pounds was enough to cause problems. Stay healthy and don’t let your wiener deflate!

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