PANIC MASTURBATION

Over a year ago, I was with a co-worker on a mid-afternoon break. We were away from our desks, sitting in a common area and eating some snacks. While consuming said snacks, we were having a conversation. My co-worker, whom I will refer to as Mitt in this story, posited that it might be possible for a person, under stress or in a state of being flustered would suddenly take care of themselves sexually. He termed the reaction as “panic masturbation”. He made it clear that it wasn’t a situation where say some dude is studying alone for a final exam, gets stressed out and decides to read the articles on massivejugs.com to relieve some tension. Mitt meant that in the face of adversity while in the presence of others, the person’s natural reaction would be to spontaneously masturbate. A good example would be a job interview where the candidate is being asked some tough questions. In this case, the job seeker would just whip it out as a reaction to the stress of the interview.

Though I’m no expert in human behaviour, I believe this is not the body’s first reaction in the presence of stress while in the presence of others. Nonetheless, I found the prospect of someone actually reacting this way as quite amusing (because I am 12 years old). From that day forward, Mitt and I would ask each other if they “panicked masturbated’ under any remotely trying circumstances.

I am not entirely sure why I chose to share this with you all. Though I am wondering now if there is or was a single person on this planet who actually reacted this way under duress. Ok, it’s time for bed.

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