IT SMELT IT

After I moved into my apartment I decided to buy an air purifier. The reason for that wasn’t because of smog or automobile pollution, it was because of construction. I had moved into the first of three new apartment high-rises. The other two towers were still being constructed and all the construction dust from that building activity was being sucked into my building’s air in-takes and distributed to all the units. I would arrive home and I could smell the construction materials hanging in the air.

The air purifier I bought did the job and dutifully removed all the construction particles in the air. It’s been about a year now since the last building was completed, so all the construction dust is now a thing of the past. I still have the air purifier and I plugged in and on automatic mode. I still use it because I feel it would be a waste of money if I didn’t. The automatic mode just sits there and operates on three speeds depending on what the sensors detect in the air. The low speed is whisper quiet and about 90% of the time, it’s doing this. The medium speed is still quite quiet, about the low setting on a fan you’d use to cool your living room. The high setting is something I rarely hear these days. It’s the most powerful setting that the purifier uses when it detects the air is particularly unclean.

On Thursday night, I was sitting at my desk at home. The purifier was about six feet behind me. Now, I will freely admit, I was quite gassy at the time. Not only was I gassy, the apparent sulfur content of my gas was quite high. After one particular “gas excursion”, I surprised even myself at the potency of the release. It was no more than thirty seconds after this that sensors in the air purifier picked up the flatulence molecules in the air. Not only did it detect those particles, it decided the air was so unclean it need to operate at the maximum cleaning setting. The purifier’s fan roared into action. I looked back in somewhat surprise because I had not heard it go into that mode in several months.

I have absolutely no doubts about the strength of my gas now. Machines don’t lie, they know the score.

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