THE NON-HAND WASHER

When it comes to jobs, some people work alone and some people work in a team environment. I rather enjoy working on a team. A team environment though, necessitates that you adopt an understanding, thoughtful, and communal way of interacting with your fellow co-workers. That means you don’t leave the coffee machine messy when you’re done making your beverage. You don’t put all your dirty dishes in the sink, you put them in the dishwasher to get washed. You don’t check in broken code and then take off to Vegas for the weekend.

It should also go without saying that if you’re gonna share washrooms with your c0-workers, you kinda have to wash your hands when you’re done doing your business. That is just common and dare I say it, expected courtesy. Yet there a dude on my team who doesn’t wash his hands when he’s done taking a leak. I’ve seen it twice with my own eyes. I’ve been side by side with him at the urinals. When we were both done, I went to the sink and he just left the washroom. Incredible! I’m pretty sure his penis hand was also the door-opening hand.

The thing I don’t understand is that he’s a clean cut looking dude. He’s not slovenly nor unkempt. Just by looking at him you wouldn’t know he’s not a hand washer. Now here’s another thing, I don’t want to act all high and mighty. Have I not washed after taking a leak before? Yes, I have but that was in the privacy of my own home. If I’m ever out in public, I always do what I would want another dude to do. No one should be walking around with penis tainted hands.

I don’t even want to know what he does after a deuce.

2 thoughts on “THE NON-HAND WASHER”

  1. 1) I like how you got “penis” and “taint” in the same sentence.2) Just start referring to him as Pee-Hands [last name]: “Hey, Pee-Hands O’Connor, how are you doing?”; “Go ask Pee-Hands Lee if he’s got the document.”; “If I were you, Pee-Hands , I’d order the chicken. It’s divine.”

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