PARTY APOLOGY

I attended a house party on Friday at the residence of the lead programmer on my first project when I worked at Backbone. Nigel’s a fun guy and I’d been to one of his parties before. Good times were expected. I also invited a few other ex-Backboners, Tim, Hugh, Derek, and someone who I shall call “Bob” in this post.

The party was well-attended with lots of current Backboners, the quitters (me included), EA people (me included), and random strangers that you don’t have any idea about. Bob wanted to play World of Warcraft instead of going to the party but I convinced him to go with enticement of hot chicks at the party. Even though Bob’s got a girlfriend, he says he likes seeing the eye candy.

We’d all found a spot in the living room to sit. We were near the stereo but Bob was like right next to the CD player. There was this guy at the party who fit the redneck/frat boy stereotype to a “T”. He had really short hair, pasty white face, was slightly obese and wore a ball cap, jeans and running shoes. For some reason, he was fascinated with the choice of music. He came over several times to change the CD in the player. One time, he came over, stood next to Bob, and then bent down to pick a CD on the floor. As he bent down, he exposed a generous of amount of pasty white frat boy ass crack. Bob took that exact moment to turn his head towards the stereo and put his face less than a foot from the ass crack. He recoiled in horror as everyone laughed.

“That was so the opposite of hot chicks!” Bob yelled at me. To be honest, there were at least two really attractive women at the party but Bob didn’t think so.

Later, I went to the kitchen to mingle while I left Bob in the living room. I somehow managed to make my way to the basement and then out to the back yard before returning to the living room. I found Bob sitting on a different couch. He has a pouty look on his face and did not seem happy. Our mutual friends were sitting with him, so I asked what happened.

Apparently, while I was gone, Bob saw Dave’s penis. Dave is a friend of ours who also used to work at Backbone. Dave is a great guy, lots of fun to be around. The story, as it was relayed to me, happened thusly. Dave had gone outside in the front yard to empty his bladder since there was only one bathroom in the house. To be honest, if you’ve seen Nigel’s bathroom, you’re better off going in the yard. Anyways, Dave ain’t a shy guy so he didn’t really go far into the yard to take a leak. As he was whipping out his penis to take a leak, he saw Bob on the front porch and called out to him. Since it was kinda dark, Bob didn’t know what Dave was doing, so he began to walk right up to Dave.

So here Dave was, with his wang out, taking a leak, and Bob’s getting right up to him. Bob got real close before his eyes could make out what Dave was doing but it was too late. Bob got an eyeful of Dave’s penis before he could turn away and run.

“Wow, that’s too bad.” I said to Bob. He basically announced he was going home at that point. Dave’s girlfriend, Joyce and I convinced him to stay but only for ten minutes more. He then got up and left in a huff. That also meant another friend of ours had to leave too since Bob was his ride. Poopy.

You know, I promised Bob hot chicks and all he got was male ass crack and an upclose look at a penis. I’m sorry that happened to you Bob. I’m sure the next party will be much better.

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