NEAR DISASTER

I nearly pooped my pants today. I made some salmon for lunch and did it sous vide style. Who knows, maybe I the temperature a tad too low and it was undercooked.

All I know is that later in day, I was at the grocery store and without warning, my stomach made one huge gurgle. I instantly knew something was wrong because I felt my insides shifting like my gastrointestinal system was a water slide. Except it wasn’t water making its way through.

i quickly finished up my shopping and headed home. Luckily, I live close and after that initial gurgle, I was still in control. Nothing felt imminent just yet.

Things got real intense once I got into the apartment. I dropped off my bags and immediately took off my coat and headed to the bathroom. In the time it took me to walk to bathroom, the situation went from to zero to nuclear detonation. I didn’t realize how badly I had to go. As I struggled with my belt, I felt the most powerful urge to poop that I’ve ever experienced before. Words fail to describe what I was going through. I can only say it felt like a bomb had gone off in my colon and the pressure needed to be relieved through my butthole.

I had to clench my anus muscles to prevent a torrent of sadness from soiling myself. I wasn’t sure if I was fully successful but after an eternity, I finally got my pants and underwear off. My butt wasn’t even fully on the seat before I let go. I felt a mixture of both sweet relief and horror. It came out with shocking force, a violent expulsion, like it was angry. My colon spasmed probably three times in total before I was empty. It lasted probably less ten seconds in total.

Once I felt I was done, I checked my underwear for damage. It was free of soiling to my surprise. I then cleaned my butt up as best as I could. This was one of those situations that called for an immediate shower afterwards.

What a short but intense ordeal that was.

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