CLOSE QUARTERS

So when you start a new job, you look for certain things to see if they’re up to a particular standard. You wonder how well your break room/kitchen is stocked. Is your desk big? How many monitors will I get? Do I get a window? How nice are the washrooms?

So in my case, I certainly did wonder about the washrooms. I’ve been spoiled in past jobs. At EA downtown, there was this private, executive-style bathroom on my floor. It had a marble counter, wood-paneling, and great accent lighting. At my last job, there were single occupant washrooms where you could do your business in private. When I got to my current I job, I noticed they had a normal, shared washroom on our floor. Now we share the floor with other businesses so it’s just not us males using that washroom.

I got my first warning on my first day at work when some dude mentioned the urinals to me. When I stepped inside, I immediately noticed what he was talking about. Whoever made this washroom decided the urinals (of which there are two) should be no more than six inches apart, edge to edge. There are also no dividers between said urinals. They are so close together, when you’re standing at one, dongs are well within peripheral range. Hell, at these distances, is it even your peripheral vision anymore? More like right in front of you practically. The dudes in my office don’t even go to the urinals anymore if they see that the other is already occupied. There’s an unwritten rule that if one is taken, you go to one of the stalls to relieve yourself. That’s great but the idiots from the other businesses on our floor don’t seem to know this. It’s wang on, wang off for them.

As if that’s not bad enough, this washroom has the two smallest stalls I’ve ever seen in a washroom. If you sit on one of the toilets, there’s probably a foot on either side of you before you hit either a wall or the other stall wall. It’s like pooping in phone booth. More importantly, this also means the toilets are about two feet apart. Yes, that close. If both stalls are occupied, it means that two dudes are literally pooping about two feet from each other. Hell, even those two dudes weren’t pooping, two feet is infringing on personal space just standing next to each other. Consider now that they’re flatuating and groaning in close proximity. It’s so close together, two dudes could easily reach under the stall wall and hold hands while pooping.

The washroom situation at work isn’t all that great. We’ve complained but there’s not much they can do. I think at the very least they should install a urinal divider. Enough with the wang show!

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