Let’s take a moment to talk about nocturnal leg cramps. Do you get these? If you don’t, count yourself lucky. I get them once in a while. I had it happen to me last night.

I was half-asleep. My left leg was bent across my right one. I remember thinking, “Oh hey, my calf muscle is contracting, I hope that doesn’t cause… oh crap.” The calf muscle then attempted to contract itself through my knee cap. I went from being blissfully half-asleep to feeling a pain I would register a nine on a ten scale in a matter of a second.

I could only grip my now rock hard calf muscle, hoping it would stop contracting. Meanwhile, it felt like a nuclear explosion had gone off inside my leg. I could only breathe in short, sharp puffs as I gritted my teeth. I don’t know how long it lasted, it seemed like ten seconds or maybe it was as long as thirty. The muscle then suddenly relaxed and it was all over.

As I laid there on my Thundercats sheets, I found myself completely awake and now my calf was extremely sore. After some indeterminate time later, I fell asleep again.

They (and I mean doctors) say night time leg cramps are caused by dehydration and too little potassium in the system. I think I was kinda thirsty all night, so it that was most likely the cause.

Thank you for reading a post about a part of my body getting rock hard at night.

8 thoughts on “NOCTURNAL LEG CRAMPS”

  1. Nocturnal leg cramps are much more common in middle and old age. The exact causes are unknown, but dehydration, lack of sex, and sitting for long periods may all contribute. Try stretching and messaging various parts of your body before bedtime.

  2. My sister (6 months pregant right now) has been whining about nocturnal leg cramps for about the last 6 months. She calls it ‘the pregnancy stuff that no-one ever tells you’.Her hippy midwife gave her some crappy explanation about all the blood going to the baby and not her calf muscles, but I’m totally with the dehydration and potassium deficiency explanation. Also her midwife told her that bananas cause abortions.

  3. …And since bananas are a rich source of potassium, avoiding them in fear of abortion might lead one to expect more leg cramps. Am I right?

  4. Oh I have to post a retraction. It isn’t the midwife that’s a hippy and has stupid theories about bananas, its the birthing classes teacher. The midwife is apparently extremely capable. The birthing class teacher is a nutbag. Really, if it were true about bananas causing abortions, we wouldn’t need back alley butchers would we?

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