A GUIDE TO BEING PLATONIC FRIENDS… OR SOMETHING

So this dude wrote some guidelines that men and women should follow to maintain a healthy, platonic friendship. Well, at least that’s the title. If you read the guidelines though, it kinda makes you think the title should be, “How to maintain being friends with a girl you are hopelessly in love with”. I don’t necessarily believe in all of these but I’ll list a few of the suggestions here:

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.

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