THIS STUFF WRITES ITSELF

Some of my long-time readers know that I sometimes get strange e-mails in my Telus account. As a consequence of signing up my parents for high-speed access, I get a Telus account. I don’t use at all but I check it once in a while to see what comes in.

The way Telus e-mail addresses work is that you can choose nearly whatever e-mail address you want. You can even change it as many times as you want. If one day you want to be crackaddict@telus.net but the next change it to muffinbaker@telus.net, that’s ok. The thing to realize is that once you give up an address, anyone can take your old one.

This is exactly what happened to me. I believe I took someone else’s old Telus e-mail address. In fact, I think two people have had mine before. I’ve gotten e-mail with confidential medical reports, real estate planning documents, and even a message from “Mom” asking why I haven’t phoned in so long.

I never respond to these messages, except in the case of the medical report and “Mom”. Those messages I deemed too personal not to inform the sender of their mistake.

In the last two days, I’ve received more personal correspondence from what appears to be some woman. Here’s the first message:

From: deleted
To: deleted
Cc:
Sent: Monday, December 05, 2005 11:16 PM
Subject: Hi to you too

Hey gorgous, I got your message. Sorry it is two days after the fact. I went
to Kelowna to see Kenna-Rae and do a bit of Christmas shopping. The shopping
didn’t go so well, I didn’t see anything that struck me as terrific and wanted to buy. Oh well I think that I will just go to vernon next weekend and poke
around there. I hope you are having a wonderful day! Talk to you soon.
P.s. I am looking forward to the Christmas party Friday!!!!!!

Ok, so nothing weird or juicy here. It’s also strange how the sender did not include a name in either the message or the e-mail header. I still think it’s legit though.

The next day, I received another message from the same person. This one is way more interesting:

From: deleted
To: deleted
Cc:
Sent: Tuesday, December 06, 2005 10:50 AM
Subject: first e mail

I am so sorry. I don’t remember when I talked to you or what I said. Please
forgive me my friend. I am so frustrated right now that I am sure I take it
out on you, because you know where you are at and what you want, and I don’t.
I wish life were simply, happily ever after and it’s not. You know how I feel about you and it makes me angry, upset and frusterated that we are just not going to happen. I guess that I am upset because I can’t have you and that I
couldn’t have brent either, although it was for an entirely different reason. it doesn’t matter I just don’t get it. I just pick unavailable partners and it leaves me feeling twice as lonely as before. Thankyou for being so loving and understanding with me. I know that I have never felt so unconditionally loved. You are such a wonderful friend and I will do my best from now on to respect our friendship and your position. I love you erwin thankyou.thankyou, thankyou for being such a comfort in my life.

Woah! Let’s highlight a few sections here: “it makes me angry, upset and frusterated that we are just not going to happen” and “I guess that I am upset because I can’t have you and that I couldn’t have brent either” and “I just pick unavailable partners and it leaves me feeling twice as lonely as before”.

Damn girl! You get a-round! Make up your mind, do ya want this Erwin guy or is it gonna be Brent? Why us? Why can’t we be with you? This girl likes unavailable men? Alarm bells are going off all over the place. This explains a lot. Brent and Erwin, you guys probably dodged a bullet here.

It’s good to know she wants to be in the “friends zone” however. Though, in this one super rare case, perhaps this might be the preferable position for Erwin. I’ll keep you posted if anything else comes down the line. Seacrest out!

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