VALENTINE'S DAY

Well, it’s one of those years where I find myself without female companionship for Valentine’s Day. Weep not for me though because it’s really not a big deal. I’m not one of those types that rails against society for having a day where couples are celebrated but single people get nothing. Who cares really? In fact, I’ve come up a little tradition for Valentine’s Day for one.

I start off the evening by cooking myself a delicious, healthy meal. Something I really like, maybe pasta with some meat, steamed vegetables, bread, and cookies for dessert. I have a bottle of red wine on hand and maybe I’ll have a glass with dinner.

After I’ve satisfied my hunger for food, I usually depart from the dining room table and retreat to my couch in front of the TV. I make sure that the wine is with me. As I polish off the bottle of wine, I’ll watch something entertaining like Dateline or 60 Minutes II. As the wine takes effect and should the fancy strike me (and it doesn’t necessarily), I’ll begin to practice the ancient and revered art of self-love.

When I regain the strength to get off the couch, I’ll most likely then get in my car and drive off to the nearest 7-11. While there, I’ll buy a two-litre bottle of Mountain Dew and a pack of Pizza Pops. When I get back home, I’ll heat up three or four of the Pizza Pops and start up the latest computer game I’m playing. It’s then computer games and Mountain Dew until I pass out on my keyboard. Another great Valentine’s Day!

Editor’s note: Try to spot all the items I actually don’t own in the post I just wrote.

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