HIT IN THE JUNK

As some of you know, I play pick-up ball hockey with the boys every Saturday. It’s a lot of fun and a good way to get some exercise. Everyone else seems to enjoy it.

Today, I was standing in the front of the net, square to the shooter, ready to block a shot. Adam was about ten feet in front of me and another teammate of mine was in front of him. I could see him get ready for a wrist shot when the thought crossed my mind that the ball could probably easily hit me in the groin right now. Adam lets loose a wrister that wasn’t really that hard (we’re talking about Adam here) and before I could react, it hits me square in the junk.

I double over immediately. It stings but it doesn’t hurt that bad… yet. If you’re a guy and you’ve ever been hit there, you know what I mean. It’s the classic twenty seconds before the pain really hits. I’m limping now, waiting for it to go full tilt on me. The pain starts to throb in my groinal area. Usually one associates good things about throbbing in the groin, but not this time.

Everyone else is watching me moan in pain as I limp around. I make it down a set of stairs and collapse on the concrete sidewalk downstairs. I feel really bad, though I don’t feel the need to puke which is a good sign. I’ve read that sometimes it hurts so much you want to vomit. I’m not there yet, but it certainly doesn’t feel good. I emit a dull moan as I put my head down on the ground.

A few minutes later, I feel better enough to walk across the street back to the College. Outside the doors I see Chris’s sister and mother.

“Hello again Erwin. How’s everything?”

“I got hit in the junk, gonna go check if I still have everything in place.”

“Oh… ok…”

I make it into a bathroom. There’s no visible damage. A good sign. By this time, the dull throbbing pain has receded. Now it only feels like I got punched in gonads.

I wait a few more minutes and go back to the parkade. I re-join the action and soon all the pain goes away.

I’m alright now, but I’ve haven’t taken one in the privates in a long time. We don’t wear cups and for ball hockey, I still don’t think it’s necessary. I did think about making a duct tape cup though. It’d have a little pouch out front for a small crepe frying pan. The ball would make this doink! sound if it hit it. After hockey, I could take the pan out and make everyone crepes. It’s win-win situation all around.

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