THE COLLEEN SITUATION
I debated for quite a while whether or not I should post this, but in the end, I decided what the hell, I want some opinions on this.
So, this all started at a Halloween party I attended. If you read my web site regularly, you’ll probably know which party I’m talking about.
Anyways, during the course of the evening, I meet this attractive, young lady named Colleen. We talk sporadically during the evening. We converse about her job, my studies, Halloween costumes, etc. My perception about what women are thinking is virtually nil, but I’m getting no vibes that she wants me to go away, so we continue to talk.
Some time during the evening, they start playing slow songs. It surprises most people at the party. It’s at this moment I come up with this gem of line, “Boy, it’s been quite a while since I’ve had a slow dance…”
“Oh, do you want to dance?”, Colleen asks me. I laugh and accept. Jokingly, we adopt this seventh grade couple dance formation for a while. Our arms are totally outstretched and you could drive a train in the space between us. “I feel like we’re in elementary school,” I say.
We draw in closer for the rest of the Bryan Adams ballad that is playing. I’m a bit nervous, but then I realize it’s because I find her beautiful.
The song ends and we talk some more. Pretty soon, the party is over and the lights are coming back on. Her friends want to leave now. With the courage of three beers behind me, I decide to ask Colleen for her phone number. To my delight, she finds a scrap piece of parchment and scribbles her number down.
I take it from her and in the immediate moment, it is my most prized possession. I tell her I’ll call her and we say good-bye.
Two days later, I call her on a Sunday night. I’m nervous as hell. I take a deep breath and call her number. I’m half expecting to get a 7-11 somewhere. It rings… and rings… no one is home. I get her voicemail, and I’m totally not ready to leave a message. I manage to string together some words where I leave my number and a promise to call her again.
Monday evening rolls around and I’m in my room all night. The only time I leave is to get my laundry and I’m gone for maybe five minutes. 2am rolls around and I have to go to bed, and she hasn’t called me back, well, that’s at least what I think. Before I crawl into bed, I check my voicemail. There is a message. It’s from Colleen. She called during the one five-minute period where I had left my room. She tells me she’ll be home the next evening. I go to sleep happy.
The next evening, I phone Colleen again. We talk for an hour. We discuss job, school, sports, and I forget what else, but I discover she has a very positive personality. It appeals to me. Near the end of the hour, I broach the subject of meeting for coffee. She agrees to meet me the following Saturday, but we can’t figure out where to go. Colleen says she’ll probably be at work, so I decide to make it easier on her and I would find a place near her work. I think we traded e-mail addresses at this point, and we say good-bye.
During the week, my friend Trevor recommends an eccletic tea house down in Yaletown, very close to where Colleen works. It sound great, so I phone Colleen to tell her about my choice. She agrees and I give her the address so that she can check it out and give me final approval.
It’s all good and Saturday rolls around. We had agreed to meet at 2pm and like a good little boy, I’m early by five minutes. I wait outside the place and suddenly appears Colleen. I can distinctly remember that she wore a lovely cream-coloured three-quarter length coat and I was pleased at her sense of style.
We greet each other and I open the door to let her go in first. We order a pot of green tea. As we sit down, I notice she’s more attractive than I had remembered. We proceed to converse for about two hours. Strangely, there are no awkward pauses. We talked about many things, among them: parents, siblings, movies, relationships, nothing that I thought was taboo for a first date. I was nervous, so my sense of humour didn’t come through as strongly as it usually does. Regardless, I didn’t sense any boredom or desire to flee from her. Around 4pm I thought I’d let her go no matter how well the date was going. I mentioned something about how she probably had to go back to work or to attend some other social function. I also mentioned I was kind of getting hungry since I was too nervous to eat lunch. To my surprise, she said she was also too nervous to lunch. I took a chance, but I asked her if she wanted to join me for dinner. She accepted!
We decided to go to Capone’s, also in Yaletown. On the walk there, she ran into a co-worker. She introduced us and I said hello to her. I still wonder if I made a good impression on her.
Anyways, we got to Capone’s and I let her look at the menu before we went inside, just in case she didn’t like the fare there. Colleen is a vegetarian, so I wanted to keep that in mind. She said it looked good, so we went in.
So, we had dinner at Capone’s. During the course of the meal, I asked her if she discussed her relationships with her parents. She said most of the time, and she said might even mention our little date when she would see her parents the next day. With the smoothness of Screech on Saved By The Bell, I asked her, “So, let’s say you do mention our date, and your mother asks you how the date went, what would you tell her?”
“I would say it went pretty well,” Colleen replied.
“And what if your mom asked you if you would see this gentleman again?” I continued.
“I think I probably would,” she said.
I laughed and left it at that, but I took that as being a good sign. We left Capone’s at around 5:30pm and she said she was quite pleased we had eaten there. I offered to walk her to her car and she happily agreed. On the way, I mentioned how I never did get around to shopping for shoes as I had intended. I was only joking, but Colleen asked me if I wanted to hit some stores on Robson. I said no, that would be too kind, but she said it was alright. I said ok, and we took a little detour to Robson. Nonetheless, I only went into two stores just to keep it brief. I didn’t buy anything in the end.
When we finally got to her car, I should have just left her there, but somehow, she convinced me to let her drive me to the bus stop. Bad move. Her last impression of me should not have been, wow, this guy has no car and relies on the bus… nice… Anyways, she stops off at the corner and I tell her I had a nice time tonight and I’d like to see her again. We did not kiss or hug, but I think first dates should be pretty innocent anyways, so I wasn’t displeased.
I called her the next day and we talked for about 40 minutes or so, and it seemed she liked how the evening went. I didn’t ask about a second date because I knew we were both busy for the next few weeks and I didn’t want to seem like I was moving things too fast.
We traded e-mails during the week and she even called me the next Sunday to talk. I think it was then that we decided we should go for tea/coffee again for the next Sunday.
Again, we e-mailed back and forth, and then the day before our second meeting, she said she couldn’t meet because work was crazy for her. She apologized and said it wouldn’t be hectic for much longer.
I replied and said I understood. Then I think I left two messages on her voicemail, plus I sent her another e-mail. I received no communication/replies from her. The last time I got any communication was November 16th. Then my school stuff got totally crazy and worked my butt off till the 9th of December. By then, a lot of time had passed.
I’m still wondering, why didn’t Collen return any of my messages all of a sudden? What the hell happened?
I understand that first dates are as plentiful as Chinese people in Richmond, and invariably, some people just don’t click. I’m fine with that, but I do believe we need to be mature enough to tell the other person that. If Colleen did in fact, did not want to see me again, why did she bother being nice to me afterwards and then agree for another date?
I expect common and courtesy no matter what she thought of our first date. I would be completely comfortable if she had at least phone or e-mailed and said, “You seem like a really nice guy but I just don’t think it’s going to work out” or “Dear Lord, I wouldn’t go out with you again if I was given a million dollars and a little toy bird that drinks water”. At least in that case, I’d know for sure, yes, Colleen probably isn’t the girl for me.
However, she just stopped replying to my messages. What kind of way is that to tell someone you don’t want anything to do with them again? It seems really out of character from what little I know about her. In any case, it’s poor behaviour on her part.
My question to everyone is, why do people do this? Why can’t everyone be held accountable to some level of decency and politeness? I’m still wondering what the hell happened. Do you think I should call her or e-mail her again?
Some people have told me to move on and her silence should speak volumes, but a part of me can’t let this mystery die. I want to know why she stopped contacting me!!! What do you think I should do?
Longest… post… ever…