POOP

I had to poop at work today which isn’t really newsworthy by itself. What is interesting is that the number of attempts I had to make before I could actually poop. It all started when I went to my favourite washroom to poop. Upon entering, I saw that the washroom was empty and both stalls were free for me to choose. Of course, I chose the roomy handicapped stall. That particular stall has a really messy flush so the bowl water frequently winds on the seat in the form of random drops. This was the case today but no big deal because you can just wipe off the water before you sit down. I grabbed some of the toilet paper and dried off the seat.

As I was about whip my pleated khakis down, I looked at the toilet paper dispenser and realized both rolls were empty. I had used what little was left to dry off the seat. Actually, it turned out to be a good thing that the seat was wet otherwise I probably woulda done my business and then had at most eight squares left to clean up the crime scene. Anyways, I was annoyed but I was willing to go the stall next to me, even if it was way more cramped. Upon exiting the handicapped stall and entering the other stall I was greeted with an odd sight. On the toilet seat of this stall was a small, wadded up pile of toilet paper. It looked clean. I then looked at the toilet paper dispenser and both rolls were also empty! What the hell! That little pile wasn’t going to cut it.

This was very odd since I know this particular washroom is cleaned and re-stocked at about 10am every day. Since it was not even 1pm at this point, there’s no way all that toilet paper would have been used up in less than three hours. Now I was really miffed. I went up one floor to another washroom because I had no other choice. There, to my amazement, I found that this handicapped stall was also unoccupied. As you might imagine, after I locked the door, I went to check on the toilet paper status. You can guess what I saw. Both rolls empty as well. What the hell was going on? It was clear to me that the cleaning staff had not cleaned and re-stocked the bathrooms today and probably all weekend.

It’s a good thing I really didn’t need to poop that badly because I finally found a stall with toilet paper two stalls down. It was like finding gold. With a secure supply of TP assured, I was finally able to bare my ass and get down to business. After I was done, I was washing my hands when someone came into the washroom and went into the handicapped stall. I really wanted to say something to him but I didn’t know him. By the time I was done with my hesitation, the door had closed and locked, and I could hear the tinkle of his belt buckle. He was getting ready to poop and I did not feel comfortable telling a man I did not know that he was going to have to wipe that up without any toilet paper.

As the shame burned through my body, I could not take it any longer and I quickly left the washroom. I hope that person was able to deal with the situation effectively and with dignity. I truly am sorry I did not speak up when I had the chance. Perhaps someone spared him a square.

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