Ladies and gentlemen, what you see above represents what was a whole bunch of sadness for me right before I wanted to go to bed last night. Let’s rewind to a few minutes before what happened above. I was taking my nightly evening shower as most Asians do. As I was cleansing my body, I decided it was time to weigh myself again as my holiday diet probably did not do me any favours. It was time to see what kind of damage I had done to myself. I finished showering, stepped out of the shower, dried myself, and then applied talc to all my sensitive areas.

While still naked, I opened the cabinet door underneath the bathroom sink and proceeded to grab the scale that I’ve been using for several months. I was able to grab it and pull it from underneath the sink when it happened. It’s here where it gets a bit hazy. I remember putting my left hand on the glass to support scale as I was initially grabbing it with the right. I don’t think I made contact with the scale with anything else but it’s possible I may have bumped it. In any case, the glass shattered with an amazing amount of explosive force in my hands. I was briefly stunned by the surprise. Here I was, naked and barefoot, holding onto the metal frame of the scale while so many pieces of glass covered my bathroom floor. I dared not to move my feet as I quickly checked to see if any of my parts had been injured by the flying glass. Luckily, no part of me appeared to have been cut by the seemingly hundreds of pieces of glass.

Because the scale was made from safety glass, some of the pieces had broken into large chunks, rather than sharp shards. That’s not to say there weren’t any of those sharp shards though. My heart sank as I saw that many of the pieces were really small and looked really sharp. As I analyzed the situation, I knew this was gonna be a pain in the ass to clean up. I was shocked at the amount of glass that was everywhere. It seemed to me that the glass might have doubled its volume upon shattering. I looked behind me and gingerly took a huge step backwards into my bedroom and onto carpet, away from the mess. I went and put on a pair of shoes, grabbed a pair of gloves, and a large garbage bin. I came back into the bathroom with the bin. Trying to not step on any of the many fragments, I used my hands to grab the largest chunks of glass and put them into the bin. Some of the pieces were too small to grab with my gloves and I was afraid they were going to puncture the gloves. With these pieces, I just had to sweep them into a pile.

Next, I went and grabbed my vacuum, being careful to leave my shoes in the bathroom as I didn’t want to track any fragments into the rest of my apartment. Using the hose attachment, I tried to systematically suck up all the remaining bits of glass from the floor. The familiar tinkle coming from the inside of the hose told me that I’d found some tiny bits of glass. It was a cacophony of noise at first as the hose sucked all the smallest bits of glass on the tile. A proper and thorough cleaning required much more time than I had so I just did the best I could do in the time remaining. Another causality of this accident was my bathmat, which I didn’t trust anymore, even if I had vacuumed it. It was the one thing I constantly step onto with my bare feet. I needed a new one anyways, so into the garbage it went.

After work tomorrow, I’m going to have to go over every inch of the tile again with my vacuum just to be sure I got all the pieces of glass. I checked the bottom of my shoes and there were bits of glass in the tread which I had to pick out. There’s got to be some tiny bits that I missed. In the meantime, I’ll have to wear the shoes in the morning when I’m getting ready for work.

What a pain in the ass this is and I still don’t even know how fat I am now!!! I also need a new scale as well. I’m not sure the next one I get will have a glass platform. I really should have known better than to bring the glass scale into a warm environment and touch it with my warm hands. Let this be a lesson to you all.

2 thoughts on “DOH”

  1. What? A whole post about shattered glass on the floor and bare feet and no “Die Hard” reference?

    Sir, I do object.

    -John McClane

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