I knew one of the things I was going to give up when I took the job at EA was the best set of workplace bathrooms I had ever seen. The Backbone office had seven individual bathrooms for a staff of about 80 people. Each bathroom was designed to be used for just one person. They were spacious and inviting, allowing you to do your business (whatever that might be) in amazing comfort and privacy. It nearly made eliminating waste at workplace a perk.

When shifted workplace locations to an office building downtown, I thought the days of private bathrooms were over. Indeed, for a while they were over. The bathrooms I were shown during my orientation tour were for use by multiple people at the same time. No more privacy.

Then I noticed that I would never see certain guys in the bathroom. Was it just luck? Maybe we never went to the bathroom at the same time. Maybe they went to a different floor. Curious, I pulled up a schematic for my floor. And there it was, right on blueprint. A single, private bathroom on my floor. It looked huge according to plan.

After work on Friday, I entered said bathroom for the first time. It was a sight to behold. It was indeed a large bathroom for just one person. The toilet was located at the deepest point of the room, far from the door, enabling even the noisiest of users to have some privacy. At the foot of the toilet was a beautiful wicker basket, the kind you’d find at Pottery Barn. Inside the basket was a fine selection of gaming magazines. There was a single sink, in a pedestal style. It reminded me of a sink you might find in a hotel. I noticed that there was a switch on the wall but the lights were already on. I pushed the switch and a single shaft of golden light illuminated the sink, as if from heaven.

From now on, this will be my “Fortress of Solitude“. From what I’ve seen of other floor plans, no other EA floor in the building has a single, private bathroom like this one. I find this hard to believe since I can’t see the bigwigs up on 20 sharing a bathroom.

And that’s my post about pooping at work.

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